Category: Articles by Rachana

By Rachana Bhide

Recently I caught up with a male colleague, Andrew, whom I respect tremendously. He had been my coach for a business innovation program several years ago. He was in New York for a conference and reached out to catch up.

We met for coffee after nearly 3 years. Our initial plesantries while we waited at the counter went something like this:

ME: “What are you up to while in New York?”

HIM: “My girlfriend is coming tomorrow.”

ME: “Nice! What will you do?”

HIM: “Actually, I have to tell you this. On our first date, I showed her your website (The Corner of the Court Project). We were talking about current events in women’s issues, and she had some strong opinions about things.”

ME: “Yeah?”

HIM: “It got a little tense.”

ME: “I can imagine.”

HIM, CONTINUING: “I pulled out my phone and showed her your project. It changed the tone of our entire conversation. We’ve been together for over a year.”

ME: Speechless, heart swelling with gratitude, amazed, shocked.

**** 

I’ll get back to this story in a bit.

Now that The Corner of the Court Projecthas been live for 2 years, I’ve gotten in a groove with some things. 

I focus a lot of my efforts on the storytelling — finding amazing women, interviewing them, sharing their career stories, highlighting how men can play a positive role as allies.

And as creator and facilitator, I am constantly checking in to assess how we are doing. Here’s how I usually break it down:

Level 1: Operational

• Which platforms are the best performing?
• What metrics are we seeing for posts, articles, and shares?

Level 2: Content

• What are good behaviors of male allies?
• Which relationships (bosses? husbands? mentors?) are our women writing about?

** Level 3: Human

• Let’s be real… what are people really feeling right now?
• What are folks afraid of?
• Where do people see optimism, joy, and hope?

** Level 4: Scary In-Your-Face Existential

• Am I really making any impact?

So What Do We Focus On?

It’s easy — and operationally sound — to focus on Level 1 and Level 2: Getting the message out there with maximum scale, reach and quality.

But in my 19+ years as a change management professional, I know in my gut that real change happens slowly and intentionally, when we deeply reflect, persist, iterate, and commit to **Level 3 and **Level 4. 

So I want to share some of those deeper, human and existential insights, sparked by my conversation with Andrew and many other men and women in recent months. These are some of my empathy-drivenobservations:

Human insight #1: Men are humble

Yes! Can you believe it? 

There has been a lot of well-documented and validated research to the opposite — that when applying for a job, for example, men are overconfident in their abilities.

So it’s kind of interesting to share that I’ve witnessed the opposite when our stories come out.

Women from our program report to me, time and again, that when their stories are shared their male champion was “speechless” and “humbled” to know he had made an impact. Often he is even hesitant to acknowledge his role — to him, he was just doing something he felt was normal and right.

It’s a core principle of our program design. We leverage women’s voices to share positive stories for the following reasons:

• Success stories are convincing
• Women’s voices carry a tremendous amount of influence and inspiration
• Men don’t need to toot their own horns — and around this topic, the typical mandoesn’t consider himself a feminist; or if he does, he prefers not to virtue signal

One of my male colleagues in my network — a real champion for positive psychology in leadership — penned an article about an inspirational woman in his field. He shared with me offline. He was inspired in particular by the sales career of one of the women in our stories, and didn’t want to hijack my post by sharing his own article. So I wanted to share it here, to show a great example of the spirit of our project. (Thank you, Jeff, for this authentic article!)

Human insight #2: Our men represent relationships, not metrics

I had to break through a lot of barriers to do the research about men as inclusive, empathetic leaders. 

In 2015, just four years ago, companies were skeptical when I suggested we bring men into diversity discussions by acknowledging their whole selves as fathers, husbands, bosses, etc.

“Rachana, men don’t talk about feelings,” I was told. Or, “Why does it matter if a man is a father?” Or the oft-replied, “I just don’t get it.”

I felt the hesitation, so my research really took a frontline, tactical approach: What can we do to train and enable men to be good champions for women? The psychology and culture around this, I decided, would have to be more gradual and require some patience.

It wasn’t long though, that I realized a way to engage men was exactly what I had sensed all along: Men were already doing good things as allies for the women in their lives, at work, at home, and socially.

Women had clear examples they were not only excited to share, they were emotionally invested in the positive impact a male ally had made. I knew there was no platform or outlet to show these stories, but I hadn’t ever realized it was necessary.

Here is the insight: Companies are increasingly investing in male allies training, programs and practical strategies for increasing gender equality. There are a lot of incredible humans doing that work full-time, designing systems and leading the conversation for boards and corporations.

Our approach is actually quite different, yet complements this corporate agenda. We spark conversation by allowing natural relationships to surface as examples for positive change.

Leading with the principle that our men are human, whole and capable allies,we invite men into the discussion in a modern and collaborative way.

Human insight #3: Women show up as multipliers for change

Want to know what happens when you engage women in supporting women? 1+1 equals 10.

Something really cool has been happening as I’ve been sharing women’s stories on the site: These women connect me with other great women, whose stories I can also tell. And those women meet other women who shared stories on our website, and collaborate together on projects. Each connection builds an ecosystem of positivity.

These women fuel each other’s visions, including my own.

It’s really freaking cool.

People sometimes ask me, “Why are you focused only on men and women? Why don’t you talk about the importance of women helping women?” It’s a great question. And of course the first answer is, my research topic wasn’t about that.

But the insight I’ve gotten is that even when it’s not deliberate… women find each other.They build networks, exchange heaps of positive energy, and emerge as champions for one another in tremendous ways.

Some quotes from my inbox:

“Love what you are doing!”

“It’s been a crazy hustle but I love every minute of it!”

“You have to meet (entrepreneur, leader, social change maker, etc.) She’s amazing!”

So at the end of each day, I truly get to witness and experience men helping women (the stories), women helping men (sharing the stories) and women helping women (the power of the network!)

I hope that’s a “win-win-win”!

Finally, the yikes-existential-keep-me-up-at-night insight: Are we making anyimpact?

Our approach is rooted in winning hearts first, then minds. There’s a real gift to being a social researcher, being able to put a project out that celebrates human relationships, with the hope that stories can positively impact business outcomes. But change happens slowly and is often hard to measure.

I hope if Andrew’s example is a small indicator of the impact of our voice, that perhaps we are on the right track.

Learn more about The Corner of the Court Project with Oracle’s SmarterCX in this video.

View all our women’s stories at our dedicated website.

View the original article on LinkedIn.

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By Rachana Bhide

I was recently interviewed by Oracle SmarterCX about The Corner of the Court Project. “What do you see as your role (in your work with the project)?” the interviewer, Mia, asked me.

I replied, “I see my job as going out and looking at great examples, giving guide sheets and tips on clear behaviors they [men] can take and do as an ally, so that they can feel like they’re moving the needle.”

It’s been 8 months since I wrote and shared the first article “6 Things Great Male Allies Do” and it’s time for another. At The Corner of the Court Project we feature women’s stories of male allies in an effort to show men how — through even small behaviors — they can make a real impact in supporting a woman’s professional journey.

Many of our men often express they don’t even know they are allies; yet the stories from our women show measurable outcomes of their allyship leading to great career successes.

So, what are the seemingly simple — yet highly powerful — behaviors male allies are displaying?

Read on for 5 behaviors curated from our women’s stories. Since our project focuses on empowering each individual male ally, I have intentionally phrased each with what “He” does. Which of these behaviors can YOU adopt?

1) He states his role (as a sponsor or mentor) with intention

“Selvan shared his intention to sponsor me right from the start,” says Sonali. Selvan was the head of her team and skip-level manager. She continues, “I can confidently say that his mentorship steered my career in a far better direction than if I had met a leader who didn’t focus on crafting [and] providing her support and guidance through those crucial years.” Good male allies are not afraid to be clear about how they plan to support a woman’s career.

This was also Julie’s experience; when Mike, her company’s Executive Vice President left after 20 years, “He came to me in Washington and told me he wanted me to go for his job,” she says. “He championed me.” Setting clear roles helps set healthy boundaries and also drives positive accountability for both the male ally and the woman he is supporting.

2) He leverages and shares the power of his own network

“I had always held Ron in extremely high regard,” says Inga. “He’s not only a prolific author of articles in top academic journals, he has also published well over 20 books. When it came to my [own] book, bit by bit, I worked until Ron one day said, ‘Great, you’re ready, now I’ll introduce you to my publisher.’” Ron is a powerful example of what great allies do: They nurture their diverse relationships and seize opportunities to support women through these networks.

Kelly B. agrees: “The most meaningful thing Harvey has done for me, is introduce me to other like-minded, ambitious young women. These women have great energy, big dreams and are wicked smart; I’ve been so grateful for each and every introduction Harvey has made, because they always reinvigorate me.”

3) He is his authentic self

A lot of our women’s stories offer illustrious examples of men who stand by their principles, values, and vision for their product and workplace. Oksana writes about Geoffrey Frost, legendary Chief Marketing Officer of Motorola: “I learned a great deal from Geoffrey — his relentless pursuit to ‘outsmart, not outspend’ the competition, unending creativity, constant focus on putting humanity ahead of technology in engineering culture, and his unshaken belief that a small group of rebels can tackle the giant – all the while without preaching.”

Kelly P. speaks about her male ally, Paul, in a similar light: “As a man who successfully embodies the YMCA’s culture of respect, responsibility, honesty, and caring, he knows that to lead an innovative and growing organization those values must be applied to all people.”

Great leaders are authentic to their beliefs; it’s no coincidence that great male allies are also led by values that help them make a real impact while also being positive role models.

4) He provides actionable tools for discussion and support

Great mentors and allies don’t try to have all the answers; rather, they help provide a framework for discussion and reflection. Stephanie recalls her mentor, Daron Roberts, started their work together “by giving me ‘homework,’” she says. Examples of Daron’s advice included tailoring her CV to different industries, and reviewing her LinkedIn as she built her brand.

Rory took a similar approach when mentoring Nicole through a career transition. Nicole says, “I was given an ‘assignment’ by Rory, that I found particularly useful. He asked me to define my five value pillars. This entailed writing down a list of ten things that stir my soul – ten examples where I was absolutely crushing it – not necessarily in a career, but in all areas of my life.”

The frameworks need not be extensive, but when great male allies are action-oriented they can help women lead to breakthrough career and personal outcomes.

5) He seeks to empathize, understand and connect

Mentors, Sponsors and Allies — whatever we call them, or whatever the specific role is, they all represent relationships. And relationships are built on trust and mutual understanding. Great allies take time to relate to and empathize with the women they are supporting.

One example is Harvey’s mentorship of Kelly B.: “We immediately connected over a shared history of our respective childhoods in military families,” she says. That shared history was a wonderful data point for Harvey as Kelly B. also writes, “He knows how important the sense of belonging is to me (military childhood).” As such, she says Harvey has helped build and expand her network and “helped me find professional ‘teammates.’”

Similarly, Susannah writes of her male ally, LtCol Kevin Korpinen, after she joined his unit: “I found that LtCol Korpinen was actually interested in finding answers to the challenges faced by women in the Marine Corps,” she says. “When we discussed Lean In, by Sheryl Sandberg, he said, ‘I want you to teach our unit about that!’” Susannah recalls thinking, “What? A senior military officer wanted me to talk about gender parity, in front of Marines?!”

Simple acts of listening, connecting and finding mutual ground lay a positive foundation for allies to make an impact. And in the spirt of The Corner of the Court Project, these empathy-driven behaviors are the bedrock of strong and lasting gender partnership.

For more examples of what great allies do, visit The Corner of the Court Project — and share your story! We are always looking forward to hearing from women and men about their successful outcomes working together.

View this article on LinkedIn.

by Rachana Bhide

This article first appeared on LinkedIn December 29, 2017. 

December 30th, 2017, marks our first anniversary at The Corner of the Court Project! One year ago, Megan, our first brave voice, submitted her story about her male ally, Dave, as a step to encourage men to play an active role in gender equality.

I say Megan was brave for two reasons: Megan is a graduate of the United States Merchant Marine Academy and currently manages the airfield at Tyndall Air Force Base. But Megan, and the other women who were early submitters to our project, also showed tremendous courage in submitting a story, having had no idea what the project would become. They simply believed in our concept and stepped up to share a personal story – of a father, a boss, a mentor – to help explore how positive examples of male allies would resonate.

Since then, we’ve published 30 stories from diverse, successful women, and the impact that our featured male allies have made are just as diverse and impactful. Whether a man of great positional influence like an NFL coach, or a man of great familial commitment like a husband or father; the male allies in our stories represent the capability of every man to be a strong supporter of women and gender equality.

What We’ve Learned

Reflection is an important part of being a good ally, and in the spirit of role modeling that behavior, here are The Corner of the Court’s reflections on our first year – or as I affectionately sum them up, the “Three P’s.”

Positivity

After we posted our first story at the end of 2016, at the start of 2017 I (perhaps somewhat boldly) wrote, “Now that 2017 has kicked off, I am sharing a personal resolution to make an impact on strengthening the support for male allies.” One year ago, I, like many of us, had no idea exactly what 2017 would bring in terms of visibility to gender dynamics, abuse of power, and the role of men: as perpetrators of abuse, but also as allies in the workplace and at home.

Particularly as the #MeToo movement raised important awareness of widespread abuse, we carefully examined how our project could support women’s voices alongside the painful stories being shared. We tested our message and found women were still very interested in sharing their ally stories, with strengthened resolve to encourage men to be positive influencers of change. We were hopeful when women readers continued to submit their stories of allyship, and specifically encouraged men in their lives to read the stories for examples on how to be a positive male ally.

Partnership

There are a lot of extraordinary people and teams who are committed to gender equality in the same spirit that we are – to build capabilities of men to be better mentors, bosses and allies.

Our partners have done so much for us in our first year. They’ve given our work visibility and critical dialogue through podcasts and television interviews. They’ve expanded our reach through conferences and various platforms online. They’ve given us tools to educate male allies in workshops and over dinner conversations. They also believed in us and have helped share our mission; often, they’ve referred great women to share stories on our site.

Here are some of the partners, friends and supporters we are proud and grateful to have leaned on during our first year:

Athena Rising (David Smith and Brad Johnson)
Better Male Allies
Bloomberg LP
Columbia University
Jennifer Brown Consulting
J.T. O’Donnell, Work It Daily
Julie Kratz, Pivot Point
#GoSponsorHer
LinkedIn
Lean In NYC
Men Advocating Real Change (MARC – Catalyst Inc)
MeTyme Network
PROMOTE
Protege Podcast
Ray Arata / Better Man Conference
State of Mind
Women in Sports & Events (WISE)
YWomen

Psychology

A number of our stories are those of “where I came from” – women talking about the first boss who became a lifelong mentor, or sharing the first lesson she recalls her father teaching her. One of the real gifts I receive from doing this work, is the opportunity to continue learning as a psychologist and researcher. I would be remiss if I didn’t say every story touches me in a unique way. One of the most vulnerable articles I wrote was a personal story about male depression and suicide; discovering that our project also supports men by acknowledging their positive contributions – it is through the stories that our women willingly share about a loved one, that I have been able to witness the importance of letting men know they can make an impact.

Positivity (and positive psychology) is a recurring theme of our project, and it’s because it’s so important to reinforcing and repeating good behavior. And it’s the very foundation of the relationships we reference when calling men gender partners and good “allies” (see: Unconscious Advocacy).

What’s Next…

More stories. More tangible behaviors that help men be better allies. More partnerships and gratitude for those committed to gender equality. These are how we will serve up the “next set” of stories and articles in the new year.

Wishing you an ally-filled New Year and great start to 2018!

 

By Rachana Bhide

I was having a Sunday chat with a male friend of mine in Madison Square Park here in New York City recently. He’s a successful tech CEO, and very committed to building a workplace that supports women and men equally.

“Rachana,” he said to me. “I went on your website and really like the stories [successful women sharing positive stories of their male allies]. But maybe you can break it down for me even more. I’m a dude, tell me exactly what it is I need to know, in one sentence, that these guys are doing so that I can also do it.”

Well. If I could go “meta” on my readers for a moment, this is it. One of my own male allies, pushing me to refine my approach, so that my work could more effectively reach more men. I reflected. Our project, The Corner of the Court, serves several purposes, one of which is to motivate men to take action and see that they have the full capacity within them to be great allies. And another purpose of the project is to curate stories, so that we can learn more about what’s actually happening out there — what is it that the best male allies are doing? What can the individual man do, to be a better ally?

So I took his suggestion, read through our stories and tried to pick out some unique and compelling themes — specific behaviors, to make it relevant and actionable — that our allies have shown.

Ready for the list? Here are six things a great male ally does:

1. He knows the culture

In any organization, leveraging your influence successfully relies on knowing and working within the culture. Jen Welter, the first female to coach in the NFL, said her ally, Bruce Arians, Head Coach of the Arizona Cardinals, knew how important it was to focus on the players. “in the process of hiring me… he wanted my position to be something his players were also proud of — in a way, he was letting the guys on the team be heroes in championing me,” says Jen.

Kim says that her mentor, Shawn, knew the pharmaceutical company where they worked heavily valued titles and pedigree. As such, when she joined his team in a senior role, he made sure to introduce her by leading with both her title and educational background — that she was a graduate of MIT, and she would be his trusted advisor.

2. He “signals” to others that he supports this woman and her role

Kim said her former boss used to visibly show others his support in a subtle but powerful way, a behavior she calls signaling. “At the start of the meeting, he would come in with his coffee cup, pause, and then leave. Then the meeting would start. Everyone knew I was still there and I was his delegate.”

Karen’s former boss, Digby, was similarly visible in his support. “He would preface things with, ‘What I learned from Karen is…’” says Karen. She continues, “This demonstrated a great deal of respect for me in front of my new colleagues.”

3. He asks her a really great question

Great allies on our website have often been able to make a lasting impact often with only a few, thoughtful words. A great question has often been the turning point in her career that many women remember. Chief Millenial Officer Liz, says her ally, JC, asked her, ‘What can you do to go the extra mile?’ while she says she was “breaking through many self-imposed limitations. He often asked me questions to get me to expand my thinking to go above and beyond.”

Similarly, when Emily, a Recruitment Marketing Specialist, hesitated about taking a new role, her boss, Kevin, asked, ‘Why don’t you want to be a recruiter?’ “If Kevin hadn’t intervened when I was feeling intimidated by the newness of cold calling, there is a possibility that I wouldn’t have developed the experience and skills that have been so critical to my career as a marketer now,” says Emily.

Nicole’s ally, Rory, similarly gave her a thought-provoking “assignment” to define her five value pillars, which Nicole says “greatly helped me learn a lot about myself” while she was going through a career transition.

4. He trusts his instincts, even if it means taking a chance

Jen knew that Bruce did not have “an easy decision, and certainly it was not one that had been made before,” in hiring her to be the first female to coach in the NFL.

She says, “Bruce is known for his saying, ‘No risk it, no biscuit,’ and that statement definitely applied to his decision to hire me. His courage in hiring me, a woman, has now opened the door for many other coaches to follow. I take great pride in knowing that Bruce was the first.”

Many of our women tell stories of when they first started out in a particular career or job, and that their male ally trusted his instincts as he mentored her. Shelley Smith of ESPN shares, “I was a new, young reporter for SI assigned to the NBA finals in the late 1980s. I was terrified. Jack (McCallum), whom I had never met, took me under his wing, showed me the ropes.”

5. He adapts, pitches in and shifts his own role

Several of our stories show how male allies are willing to make a needed shift without compromising thier own sense of contribution. Megan Anderson, Founder of #GoSponsorHer, says, “Sharing the pie 50/50 is tricky given that the proportions are always shifting and someone always ends up needing to do more of the grunt work at any given time. Mike and I are explicit about those shifts and explicit about who is taking the lead on the homefront at any given time.”

Julie Kratz, author of ONE: How Male Allies Support Women for Gender Equality, says, without her husband, Rustin, “Our coaching business and family life would not be possible. He maintains the home, takes excellent care of our amazing girls, helps with our business, and is always there when I need that nudge or to vent about travel snafus. He’s our family’s rock.”

Megan also says, “If we are going to make real change, we have to allow men to change too — they needn’t carry the traditional pressures being the sole partner with a career.”

6. He builds possibilities

Our great male allies and mentors help us create. This can be an actual, physical co-creation of a product, like Erin Albert’s mentor, Dr. David Borst, who together authored The S(He) Says Guide to Mentoring, a “his and hers perspective on setting up women’s mentoring programs.”

It can also be helping a woman see what possibilities could lie ahead. Sociologist Christin, says her mentor, Dr. M., asked if she would like to go to Cornell University for graduate school, which Christin says, “set in motion a career trajectory beyond my wildest dreams. Had he not suggested Cornell, I wouldn’t have applied and I certainly wouldn’t have been accepted or graduated. I took on an ambitious dissertation project, which helped me land a prestigious postdoc at Stanford… [which led to] my current position which is, in every way, my dream job.”

Know a great male ally? Or a positive behavior of what great male allies do? Share it with me! This list was meant to spark ideas and conversation about helpful behaviors men can practice and emulate. And don’t forget to check out all our women’s stories at The Corner of the Court Project.

View this article on LinkedIn.

MARC (Men Advocating Real Change) has featured a second article in their series of how women can support men’s advocacy efforts.  The focus on this article is how men rate themselves as allies, and why the intentional conversation with men is important.

You can read the post here!  The results may surprise you!

 

By Rachana Bhide

Back in the early 2000s, I was living in DC and was home one unremarkable evening, when I received a terribly alarming voice message.  It was from a guy who I was close to and had known for years; he was now back in town himself after graduating.  We had caught up in the previous days, but I was wholly unprepared for the message I picked up.

“Rach,” it said. The voice on the message was distraught, barely audible. “Rach, I’m having a really difficult time here again.  I don’t think it’s getting any better.  I really think — like, tonight — I think I’m going to kill myself.”

I don’t remember my immediate reaction, except frantically locating his number on my cell phone and hitting send.  “Come over,” I said — I know I said this, and the next words: “We’ll get you better.”  I honestly don’t even remember if I talked to him or if I left it as a voice message, but within 5 minutes he was already at my door.

When he arrived he didn’t appear broken; he had clearly been crying but I remember thinking he looked quite in control.  We stood two steps from my front door and talked in my foyer– either out of situational urgency, or because we tried to attempt a casual, breezy conversation, similar to how we always were with each other.  But it certainly wasn’t breezy; he talked about the things that had been happening in his life, how hard it was for him to be back in the same difficult environment, and how scared he was to face what was to come.

Two and a half hours later, we hadn’t left the foyer.  We’d both migrated directly onto the cold carpet, sitting across from each other with more eye contact than I’d ever made with him, talking through his pain, our tones beginning to alternate between serious and relaxed.

When he seemed to be OK, we started bantering a bit, and I made a gentle but perfectly timed joke that had him laughing so hard I was actually kind of proud of myself for making him “better” again.  He still remains a dear friend to this day.

Yet he and I never spoke of the incident again.

I would like to say that event changed me and my views on male mental health, but I was too numb at that point to understand (or accept) how someone — a guy — with whom I was so close might be fragile.  It also felt incredibly awkward to suggest he may need any kind of emotional support.  “Talk to me if you’re ever down, I’ll make you laugh” was kind of how I had dealt with all the men in my life.

Getting “Woke” To the Topic of Men and Mental Health

It wasn’t until 15 years later, when I began my master’s degree in psychology, that I remembered the incident. I only recalled it after I was on a date, and my date told me a guy who he had grown up with committed suicide.  I woke up at 2am that night, remembering vividly the entire episode: the foyer, the long talk, and the raw, broken voice message.

As part of my my master’s research I was speaking to a lot of men about topics like leadership and the workplace. And as I was doing so, I was naturally beginning to feel these men’s — often very high — levels of empathy.  The more I spent time with my two best buddies in grad school, the more I realized how wonderfully, traditionally “masculine” and simultaneously deeply emotional they were. So I wanted to explore how men tapping into their emotions could have a positive effect on the workplace and on themselves.

Men Supporting Women… and Women Supporting Men

One key piece of my research evolved specifically to the role of gender partnerships: how men use their natural empathy to positively champion and support women in their lives.  The Corner of the Court is a project and social platform I created that offers a simple, visible way for women to share a story about a guy who has inspired and supported her.  The message is to promote and further encourage such behaviors of our male allies by saying:  “Men… your mentorship to us makes an impact.” 

The woman is the hero of the story she shares on the site. Yet it says volumes, that she is making a conscious decision to publicly share how important her male champion is.

This is an added, deeper impact that the project is making… it offers both a present and powerful voice from women:  When a man matters to us, we take the time to let him know.

I strongly believe that what our men need to hear, and feel from the world, is love.  For me, outside of romantic relationships, I was far remiss in offering any such words to the other men in my life.  The stories we receive in The Corner of the Court cover diverse relationships women have with their mentors, coaches, brothers, fathers, bosses… Yet, read any story and you’ll find that each one is unquestionably filled with love: from the supportive actions the man has offered to the woman, and in turn, how the woman talks about his impact so publicly.

Why We Do What We Do:  My Confession

Here’s where I make my confession:  The Corner of the Court is the most important thing I’m involved with now, and it is absolutely because of the positive message it spreads for male allies and champions who support women (the powerful tennis metaphor of him being firmly “in her court”).  And that will continue.

But it’s no secret, there’s a reason we researchers are drawn to certain topics — they are those topics with which we have some “unfinished business” (whether consciously or not), or poignant experiences through which we have lived, survived, and are especially poised to navigate.

I was in such disbelief the evening I got that call, it took me 15 years to even begin to make sense of it.  I know this project won’t prevent the circumstances of what led to that night in this man’s life, nor can it change the rigid environmental pressures under which I believe men must mask emotional pain or their need for mental health support.

But I do know that my work provides me, and hopefully our readers, a profound and active reminder that we women should let our guys know, directly and often, how much they matter to us.

To those who follow, who share, who submit stories on behalf of our project, thank you. Thank you for supporting our guys, who invest so much of themselves in supporting us!

By Rachana Bhide

Who is the Unconscious Advocate? What does this term mean? Unconscious advocacy is a term I have adopted that reflects a powerful finding from my recent research on male allies (also referred to as male champions, advocates or mentors). It is this: when it comes to promoting gender equality and displaying a voice of feminism, some men display ally behavior that they are not readily aware of.

I created the term to reflect the triggers that humans (men) have when dealing with key relationships; it is of similar spirit to the well-established concept of unconscious bias. With unconscious advocacy, there is something about a male and how he positively supports and champions an individual female — through a family relationship, professional relationship, etc. — in an inherent way, unknown to him. For example, the father who may never call himself a feminist, but has coached his daughter’s sports team because he deeply believes in teaching her resilience and competition; in turn he leaves lasting impressions on her that she will carry forward in her life. It is the male boss who may not have influence on systemic change or diversity recruiting targets at his company, but who willingly engages in conversations with his wife about her career and encourages her to boldly self-promote her accomplishments. It is any man who has naturally supported and championed a woman, but may not realize the impact he has made, often because his efforts would not be formally branded as feminist or seemingly moving the needle.

I see such examples all the time in The Corner of the Court, a program where women choose to share a story about a male ally who has influenced her career and life. Many of these men, when acknowledged, had no idea they were making such a strong impact; most men will react with “Wow… I had no idea.” While others may acknowledge they are “good at mentorship” but don’t actually realize they are doing something out of the ordinary by mentoring a woman.

As a researcher on the importance of developing men as individual male allies, the Unconscious Advocate concept provides us a very strong outlook on the inherent capacities men have within them to be champions for change. Let us acknowledge, nurture and leverage these capacities to make men the strong diversity leaders and allies they are fully capable of being.

By Rachana Bhide

As a design thinker and leadership professional, fewer things delight me more than applying design to my work, my research, career or even personal life. The iterative, user-based approach of design allows for freedom in testing out approaches, using metaphoric thinking and consistently iterating toward a better solution.

My recent program, The Corner of the Court, is geared at building self-efficacy of male diversity allies through the voices and stories of women. This program has a has been entirely designed using a design thinking approach, allowing for a deeply human-centered, empathy-based product.

Now that the story-based project within the program is approaching its three-month anniversary, I want to share some design-based principles that this project reflects, in the hopes to both illustrate the success of the overall program so far, and to share a tangible example of the importance of applying design to HR/diversity, a field where empathy is at the heart of all that we do.

5 Stages of Design and “The Corner of the Court”

Empathy: Empathy is about gathering data using various, objective sources such as observations, interviews and the like. The real unique insights happen when we “go there” and don’t make pre-conceived notions about who we are observing, we just allow ourselves to uncover what is.

When I first began my research on men and diversity, I did so as an academic psychologist. And a great perk about being a psychologist is having agency to leverage both quantitative and qualitative data in my research – the latter is where the powerful learning for me took place, that led to developing the program. Most of the interviews I conducted for that first project at Columbia University were via 1:1 qualitative interviews and group discussions with men. I sought to understand things like, “What makes you more likely to support diversity? What are the possibly diverse experiences that you have had as a man? What is your own unique story?”

But while I was in this deep empathy stage, I realized I was gathering a lot of other data too – from women. Women who were reflecting back to me about my project, sharing their examples of great male allies. Women who cut me off (in a good way) when I would explain the project because they were bursting to share a story about a great male ally who they knew. All of this was data that I carried into the next stage, Define, to generate insights that ultimately led to my approach to create The Corner of the Court.

Define/Insights: It became clear to me that there were two key “user” groups – men and women – and sub-profiles within both (e.g. men who were strong allies, men who were not, women who had strong allies, women who did not, etc.). I thought about and tested a lot of opportunity statements and ultimately realized one major gap was how to leverage the power of the female voice in building male allies. Bringing the faces and words of successful women as a visible outcome of positive allyship; harnessing the willing voices of these women who wanted to tell a man’s story. This became the opportunity statement that would support the full body of research outcomes about building male allyship I’ve previously written about.

Ideate/Brainstorm: The Corner of the Court is a metaphor which I used in my keynote address to male and female executives at ESPN, FOX Sports and LA84 Foundation at a gala honoring outstanding female executives in the sports industry.

In design thinking, we encourage use of imagery and metaphors to draw inspiration in order to address a challenge. The image of a tennis court was a powerful one to reflect the design-based insight I wanted to show around the effect of allyship: That the female voice is, and remains, the central theme. The female is the athlete, the competitor, the protagonist of each story. She is out on the court, sweating, deciding her next move, wrestling with emotions and physical exhaustion and all that comes with playing her hardest for each point – while her male ally or coach, is fully active and present, in the corner.

It need not be so obvious, but there’s a beauty of using design and metaphors to suggest an experience. It allows for mental freedom to go where we choose; for example, we could equally take a moment to consider the male ally on the court – in which corner is he standing (across from her, or watching from the back corner)? As she switches sides to serve, what is his new vantage point? How is his presence on the court, yet not as an active competitor, making him feel? All of these complex considerations about the topic are wholly permissible and non-threatening when using a metaphor to which all sides can relate.

Prototype: In the age of Agile development, rapid change and yes, use of design thinking, prototyping allows a “try-it-and-see” method. That’s the approach I took in launching the program. I started with a few passionate women, we got on the phone and crafted the first stories… and then we put ourselves out there. We didn’t allow ourselves to get distracted by “likes” or how many followers we had; what mattered in the early stages was whether we were making an impact. How were the stories landing? Where were we getting the most feedback? Which leads us to…

Test: In design, we are always seeking feedback. The feedback that first led me to the project design was based in empathy, and I take a similar approach in gathering user-based data around how the project is landing so far. I look at things like:

– What are women saying about how their story was received by their male mentors?
– What are male readers saying about the stories?
– What are the male mentors saying about the awareness of their impact?
– How do the variety of stories (featuring personal or professional relationships) resonate with readers?
– What excites readers with each story?
– What questions are people left with?

Test has been one of the most interesting stages for this project, because it has invariably led to another round of empathy. As I gather data on the above, I simultaneously continue to uncover hidden insights about the topic of male allyship: Women who approach me and say “Gosh, I would love to submit a story, but I’m afraid I just don’t have a compelling example of a male ally… is that bad?” Or, coming to the early realization that of all the stories that have been shared so far, nobody has yet submitted a “husband” as the featured male ally (though we’ve had older brothers, fathers and professional figures). Or some men who have said they wish they could have played such a role in a woman’s life, but they feel it might be too late (it isn’t!). Such insights help The Corner of the Court both meet its stated purpose to tell the stories of women and their male allies, while also uncovering a lot of unseen activity and emotion around the topic.

As such, if we think in our tennis metaphor, we are still in the “first points” of the game, of the set, of the match, of the tournament. We are ready and poised to continue to tell the stories of women and their male allies, to make an impact on our readers. And as we work toward gender partnership, iterating and being strong designers of the male ally experience, the thread in our work is this: It is the metaphor of the woman athlete, on the court, fiercely and valiantly playing for each point. It is, after all, she who is willing and continues to inspire her male ally, and all of us, with her story.

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Submissions are always open! If you would like to share a story about a male ally, please inquire or submit here.

See all of our women’s stories here.

The Corner of the Court Project is aimed at building self-efficacy of male champions, allies and mentors.

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“The Person Factor”​: Male Allies and the Formula for Success

By Rachana Bhide

Developing strong male allies is an important element of any diversity program, and organizations have been increasing their focus in this highly important space. Yet organizations are often seduced into thinking that effective diversity programs require a set of enterprise-wide projects and initiatives to make impactful, large-scale behavior change. While such approaches are all extremely valid and have a rightful place in corporate diversity, there is a critical element that often goes untapped when looking at male allyship programs, which is, simply, the individual male ally himself.

Psychologist Kurt Lewin applied his principle of field theory to offer that, “Behavior is a function of Person and Environment,” depicted as a heuristic formula: B = f(P,E). Simply stated, one’s behavior is a combination of him/her as an individual and the environment in which he or she is acting. This means that your own behavior won’t be the same if you are in two different environments, and equally, no two people in the same environment behave the same way.

This deceivingly simple concept highlights one of the main challenges in designing diversity programs, particularly in male allyship programs: If we want to change behavior, we would be best served to look at both elements of the function — that is, the Person factors and the Environment factors.

Environment factors are things like:

– work climate
– training initiatives
– recruiting policies

Person factors, arguably a bit more complex, have to do with:

– attitudes
– thoughts
– personality

We find that organizations tend to focus heavily on the Environment factors of allyship, investing a justified, yet significant amount of time and resources into programs and initiatives, often from the top-down or a centralized mandate. Yet we would be well-served to invest our efforts also on the other meaningful piece of the equation: A focus on the individual male. What is it that makes him desire to be an ally? What fears does he have? What tradeoffs does he feel he has to make? These are areas that might be touched on through training but often don’t go further in an organizational setting to make any meaningful individual breakthrough. Group discussions and workshops often turn quickly to action planning and program design, which are necessary but only contribute to one part of the equation.

As workplace psychologists, we know that getting into deeper elements of the person takes time, permission, and often iterations of coaching or other tailored interventions. It may therefore not be the easiest or quickest approach, yet in my research I found a set of key “person factors” did reflect in organizations’ most compelling allies — for example, those allies who had made meaning of their experiences through reflective practice and those who were strong individual storytellers.

What can organizations do? The straightforward answer is to adopt an individual approach to allyship in addition to programmatic, environmental and structural approaches. Start with those allies who have expressed an interest in developing themselves — beginning from whatever level of proficiency they currently have — and take care to develop and sharpen their individual commitment. Use expert coaches and resources to help them draw out their experiences and convey the meaning of their allyship. I did this with one organization’s male ally group, by allowing space for men to bring their personal stories of “why I am an ally” and iterate on associated feelings and attitudes through reflection and storytelling. By honing in on elements of the Person, we build allies who can act as confident ambassadors of behavior change.

“But such fluffy tactics won’t work with our culture,” some might say. Well, that’s kind of the point. Focusing on the Person factor happens in a space independent of the environment; as such it can be tailored to the needs of the individual. When done intentionally and effectively on the “right side” of the formula, it can become not just an additive, but a real multiplier, for change.

 

By Rachana Bhide

In my work as a change management leader and diversity researcher, I’ve been delighted to see how the concept of storytelling has evolved into a well-respected and sought-after skill for leaders. Storytelling is used in a variety of industries and functions, including marketing and sales — with many improvisation and theater companies specializing in training leaders in this verbal art.

Storytelling as a verbal art in the business world can take on many forms, depending upon both the storyteller and the key objective of what the story must convey. Some stories become narrative descriptions of a product. Other stories relay the spirit of a customer journey. And some stories recount personal examples from the storyteller, in order to raise awareness of a key issue, or build buy-in for change. This last approach to storytelling is what I will focus on in this article, specifically around simple tactics that will help Male Champions of diversity be more effective in telling their stories, to influence others in this important topic.

Why is Effective Storytelling Important for Male Champions?

In my research, one of the most critical findings I had was that men who were strong champions of diversity were able to recount an experience from their own lives that, when reflected upon, helped build their own case for why diversity matters. And these specific examples are the foundation of great, compelling stories — they must be shared and leveraged in a positive way that will not just set the stage for change, but help Male Champions be as convincing as is their own conviction, to galvanize others toward supporting their efforts.

The targeted techniques I will share below are an amalgamation of various training courses, books (references below), and “trial-and-error” in coaching Male Champions specifically to tell effective stories. I’ll illustrate four tactics for verbal storytelling that will help listeners build an emotional commitment toward change. I’ll highlight with an example for each tactic and explain why the tactic is important; in a few instances I’ll share what specifically happens in the brain when stories are told in this manner.

Because the tactics below are for verbal stories, it will help, as you read this article, to read any examples out loud.

How to Tell a Compelling Story: Four Tactics for Male Champions

Tactic 1: Use Present Tense

As speakers, we assume that our listener is as interested as we are in the story we have to tell. That may or may not be the case. So, no matter how compelling an example we pick, when we “recount” a story of our own from the past, even with the most mesmerizing of words, we are still telling it from our own vantage point, making the listener effectively a “consumer.” However, when we shift our narrative to present tense, something happens: The wall between speaker and listener comes down; in effect, we as speaker are inviting our listeners INTO the story with us.

Compare: “I was sitting in the boardroom that day.”

To: “I am sitting in the boardroom.”

Immediately, the stage is set and every participant in the room is now part of the scene. This is very important for Male Champions when they talk about diversity to both large and small groups, so that their stories and experiences are no longer just their own; in the moment they now belong also to their listeners.

Tactic 2: Use. Short. Sentences.

When telling a story to an audience, short sentences show power and confidence. They also allow the listener to process every word, when a deliberate pause is inserted after each sentence. Written stories may look better with longer clauses and use of complex sentence structure; but for effective verbal storytelling, shorter is better. I recommend you read this out loud:

Compare: “As I sit, I notice the expression on the Chairman’s face, and note an intense fear in his green eyes.”

To: “I sit. (Pause). I notice the expression on the Chairman’s face. (Pause). His eyes are green. (Pause, extra). I see fear.”

What is the difference? In both instances, the listener’s brain is being activated primarily in Broca’s area and Wernicke’s area — the language processing parts of the brain — where the listener decodes the words into meaning. Unless a deliberate action is taken by the storyteller to “do something with those words,” the message just sits there in the listener’s brain with no real emotional commitment.

With short sentences and each pause, however, the listener is able to not only decode the words into meaning more readily, but is primed to take those words into other parts of the brain where they will be further experienced as though the listener is in the story him/herself. This happens in the next step:

Tactic 3: Like Van Gogh’s Starry Night — Choose Illustrative Imagery

Before telling our story, it is helpful to have a detailed mental picture of what we want to convey. If we are telling the story of the boardroom, we must take ourselves back to that moment in our minds, and pay attention to what was happening that day — was the air conditioner humming? Was the door slamming shut? Were chairs swiveling? Details that we can add to our story — again, in short sentences and present tense — help paint a complete picture for the listener.

In the story, are board members swiveling in their chairs? The listener is now receiving the story in the motor cortex, where motion is experienced. If the vice-chairman in the story is eating a succulent, icing-covered doughnut, the listener’s sensory cortex now lights up. All of these details then help the story be further encoded into the listener’s brain and be fully experienced by the listener. Advanced storytellers may also use movement to convey description (for example, acting as the vice-chairman and demonstrating the manner in which he ate the doughnut).

Tactic 4: Pick a Specific Point in Time

Stories that intend to convey an experience and build commitment are most effective when they describe a particular moment. We don’t need to set up the story with a lot of details or explanations of what was happening before the scene that we are telling a story about. We can trust that if we tell the story using the above tactics, the listener’s ears and brains will fill in the necessary information, so that the focus remains on the moment itself.

Compare: “I was about to attend my first board meeting and I was really nervous. I prepared a ton for the session, but I still felt nervous in the hours before the meeting. Then I walked to the boardroom and saw the Chairman. He looked at me and I completely froze.””

To: “I walk into the boardroom. (Pause). The Chairman swivels in his chair. (Pause). His green eyes find me. (Pause). I freeze.”

Both examples convey a sense of nerves, but the second is more powerful when told aloud — foregoing any setup before the actual story in favor of allowing the listener to experience and feel what is happening in the room, and in the storyteller’s head, at that very moment.

Putting it All Together: Making it Work for Male Champions

Now that you’ve read the four simple tactics, compare the following two verbal stories, adapted from one of the Male Champions I interviewed:

Version 1: “I was at the pool one day, watching my daughter’s swim meet. I was so proud of her but then shocked, after she won a ribbon in the 200m backstroke. She seemed more concerned with whether her friends approved of her victory than being proud of her own accomplishment. It was at that moment I realized how difficult it would be for her to visibly shine in her own accomplishments. I had never realized it before, and that was the day that I said I would be a champion for gender diversity.”

Version 2: “Maddie emerges from the pool. (pause purposefully after each sentence). She is victorious. She picks up her blue towel. It is sopping wet. I notice her face. Her eyes. Her eyes, are sad. She turns from the pool. Maddie walks, toward her friends. Her feet leave hard, wet footprints across the concrete. Her friends greet her. There is no joy. They do not congratulate her. I remain standing, frozen — in the distance. The 11am sun is beating down. My head is hot. I finally see what her struggle will be. I finally understand. I am a changed father.”

Both versions accurately depict what has happened that day at the pool, and the tension occurring in the father’s head. The first story is compelling and honest, and works in many settings and business environments.

But the second story, when read aloud, brings the listener to the pool that day, along the journey with the father describing the story. The listener feels his pain, experiences his a-ha moment, and can empathize on a far more emotional level with him, why he has now chosen to tell this story and become a champion for equality. Additionally, the listener may also become curious about the others in the story — what is his daughter feeling as she leaves wet footprints toward her friends? What insecurities did her friends show that day? What about all the other people — parents, children — at the swim meet? The storytelling technique has opened up many more possibilities for discussion, which is what the Male Champion’s real role is: To spark commitment, dialogue and action for change.

So how can Male Champions use this technique? Often Male Champions use their position to influence colleagues — men and women — to support workplace equality initiatives and further the diversity agenda. Male Champions can and should take their personal reflections and use the above technique to create a solid, compelling story; one that can readily be shared in front of audiences, on panels or even in 1:1 settings.

In fact, even if the Male Champion isn’t verbally telling his story in such a setting, when the time is taken to craft the story in this precise and descriptive way, the Male Champion himself typically finds a renewed sense of purpose and deep emotion toward his own commitment. This is important, as the process of being an active champion requires both reinforcement and ongoing reflection; this process is ultimately a solid step toward becoming an even stronger leader of change.

If you would like more information on how to build effective Male Champions for diversity, or tell a powerful story for change, feel free to contact me.  And for some great written stories from the flip side, check out The Corner of the Court where women share their own written words about a Male Champion who has influenced them.

For added information, I recommend reading Leadership Presence by Belle Linda Halpern and Kathy Lubar, or checking out The Ariel Group executive presence training.